It dawned on me recently that we’re approaching the 25th anniversary of 9/11. The country, and arguably the world, permanently changed that day, and it’s one that will never be forgotten by history. Days like these can bring up big feelings for kids and grown-ups, and these can be helped by having some difficult conversations.

Everyone copes and grieves differently. Some people feel in control when they have as much information as possible. Others don’t want to know anything. Often, it’s a balancing act somewhere in the middle. As grown-ups, we need to support the kiddos no matter where they fall on this spectrum. After all, grief and coping abilities ebb and flow from moment to moment and event to event. Just because your child reacted one way before doesn’t mean they’ll respond the same way this time. It’s a confusing and frustrating reality, especially when we’re struggling too.

When You’re Ready to Talk

  1. Open and honest communication is key. A good place to start is acknowledging and validating their feelings.
  2. Reassure yourself that acknowledging the situation at all is better than not.
  3. Think about how scary the unknown is to you; now think about how much bigger the unknown could be for a kiddo with a vivid imagination.
  4. Use child-friendly language to say what they need to know.
  5. Consider how you’re coping-wise. If you’re not in the best space at the moment, validate and reassure you’ll talk later. You still need to take care of yourself!
  6. It’s okay to admit that you don’t necessarily know the answers to some big questions.
  7. Prepare for a little bit of discomfort. They’re called difficult conversations for a reason!
  8. Emotions are hard, and life is messy. Give yourselves some grace and know that it doesn’t have to go perfectly. You just have to make an effort.
  9. Take a deep breath, and proceed. You’ve got this!

Reading Recommendations

Some Great Books About Coping With Big Feelings

Children’s Books About 9/11